FAVORITE CONVERSATIONS
Conversation #1 Touched: Episode 20 of Season 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
BUFFY: That’s my problem. I say the word, some girl dies. Every time.
SPIKE: There’s always casualties in a war.
BUFFY: Casualties… it just sounds so casual. These are girls. That I got killed. (beat) I cut myself off from them, all of them. I knew I was going to lose some of them and I didn’t… You know what? I’m still making excuses. I’ve always cut myself off, I’ve always… being the Slayer made me different but it’s my fault I stayed that way. People are always trying to connect to me but I just… slip away. (beat) You should know.
SPIKE : I seem to recall a certain amount of connecting.
BUFFY: Oh, please. We were never close. You just wanted me because I was unattainable.
SPIKE : You think that’s all that was?
BUFFY: Please, let’s not go over the past.
SPIKE: Oh, no. Hold on here. I’ve hummed along to your pity ditty and I think I should have the mike for a bit.
BUFFY: Fine. The stage is yours. Cheer me up.
SPIKE: You’re insufferable.
BUFFY: Thank you. That really helped.
SPIKE: I’m not trying to cheer you up.
BUFFY: Then what are you trying to say?
SPIKE: I don’t know! I’ll know when I’m done saying it. Something pissed me off and I just… unattainable! That’s it.
BUFFY: Fine. I’m attainable. I’m an attain-athon. Can I please just go to sleep?
SPIKE : You listen to me. I’ve been alive a bit longer than you and dead a lot longer than that. I’ve seen things you couldn’t imagine and done things I’d prefer you didn’t. I don’t exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood which doesn’t exactly rush in the direction of my brain so I make a lot of mistakes. A lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years and there’s only one thing I’ve ever been sure of. You. (He reaches up to touch her face but she turns away.) Hey, look at me. I’m not asking you for anything. When I say I love you, it’s not because I want you, or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You are a hell of a woman. (Tears stream down her cheeks as she stares down at him kneeling before her.) You’re the one, Buffy.
BUFFY: I don’t want to be the one.
SPIKE: I don’t want to be this good-looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear. (She smiles a little in spite of herself.) You get some rest now. (He stands and heads for the door.) I’ll check in before first light. You can decide how you want—
BUFFY: Spike? (He stops and turns back.) Could you stay here?
SPIKE Sure. (He shrugs out of his coat and tosses it on a rumpled sofa) That diabolical torture device, the comfy chair. Do me fine.
BUFFY No. I mean… here. (She indicates the bed next to her.)Will you just hold me? (He nods and crosses over to the bed, sitting down with his back against the headboard. He wraps his arms around her and she curls up against him and drifts off to sleep. )
2. THE FIRST/BUFFY: I envy them. Isn’t that the strangest thing?
CALEB: Well, it does throw me a tad. I mean, they’re just… well, they’re barely more than animals, feedin’ off each other’s flesh. It’s nauseatin’. But you… you’re everywhere. You’re in the hearts of little children, you’re in the souls of the rich, you’re the fire that makes people kill and hate. The fire that will cure the world of weakness. They’re just sinners. You are sin.
THE FIRST/BUFFY: I do enjoy your sermons.
CALEB: And you’re in me. Gave me strength no man can have.
THE FIRST/BUFFY: You’re the only man strong enough to be my vessel. And I know you feel me but… I know why they grab at each other. To feel. I want to feel. I want to wrap my hands around an innocent neck and feel it crack.
CALEB: Amen.
From The Touched Transcript. Click here to read the whole thing
Conversation #3 From season 7 Episode 21-End of Days
SPIKE: Honey, you’re home.
BUFFY: Yeah.
SPIKE: (re: scythe) And you did it. Fulfilled your mission, found the Holy Grail… or the holy hand grenade or whatever the hell that is.
BUFFY: Right now we’re going with scythe. You like?
SPIKE: Well, pointy and wooden is not exactly a look I want to know better but it does have flair. I can see why a girl would ditch a fella for one of these
BUFFY: I’m sorry about that.
SPIKE: It doesn’t matter. You’re back in the bosom. All’s forgiven. (She heads into the kitchen and Spike follows)
SPIKE: And last night? It was just a glitch. A bit of cold comfort from the cellar dweller. Let’s don’t make a thing of it.
BUFFY: (evasive) Great. I have work to do.
SPIKE: Oh, yeah. Another solo mission, of course.
BUFFY: Yeah, it is.
SPIKE: (annoyed) That’s fine. You don’t have to get shirty about it.
BUFFY: I’m not shirty. And what is shirty? That’s not even a word.
SPIKE: All right, all right. Big secret mission. It’s fine.
BUFFY: It’s not a secret. Well, I mean, it is but that’s the point of the mission. Find out the secret. This thing was forged by… I don’t even know. I mean, something about a tomb on unconsecrated ground. That’s what I have to do. I need to find out what this is and why I have it.
SPIKE: And that’s the thing the preacher man was so anxious to keep out of your mitts?
BUFFY: That it is.
SPIKE: Well, maybe I’ll swing by the vineyard when you go, make sure he’s sitting tight.
BUFFY: Great.
SPIKE Okay. (An awkward silence, then Spike turns to leave he makes it to the back door before Buffy rushes to catch up with him.)
BUFFY: You’re a dope!
SPIKE: I’m a what?
BUFFY: You’re a dope and a bonehead and you’re shirty!
SPIKE: Have you gone completely Carrot-Top? (Buffy holds up the scythe.)
BUFFY: Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I’m holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. I am tired of defensiveness and weird mixed signals. You know what? I have Faith for that. Let’s just get to the truth here, okay? I don’t know how you felt about last night but I will not—
SPIKE: Terrified.
BUFFY: Of what?
SPIKE: Last night was… (beat) God, I’m such a jerk. I can’t do this.
BUFFY: Spike…
SPIKE: It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that ’cause I couldn’t bear it. It may not mean that much to you but—
BUFFY: I just told you it did.
SPIKE: Yeah, I hear you say it but… I’ve lived for soddin’ ever, Buffy. I’ve done everything. I’ve done things with you I can’t spell… but I’ve never been close… to anyone. Least of all you. Until last night. All I did was hold you, watch you sleep… and it was the best night of my life. So yeah, I’m terrified.
BUFFY: You don’t have to be.
SPIKE: Were you there with me?
BUFFY: I was.
SPIKE: What does that mean?
BUFFY: I don’t know. Does it have to mean something?
SPIKE: No, not right now.
BUFFY: Maybe when…
SPIKE: No, let’s just leave it
BUFFY: Okay.
SPIKE :We’ll go be heroes.( She nods and smiles as he walks out the back door)
Taken from the End of Days Transcripts. .
Conversation #4 From season 7 Episode 22-CHOSEN
ANGEL: Is it Spike? (off her look) You’re not telling me something and his scent… I remember it pretty well.
BUFFY: You vampires. Didn’t anybody ever tell you the whole “smelling people” thing’s a little gross?
ANGEL: Is he your boyfriend?
BUFFY: Is that your business?
ANGEL: Are you in love with him? (beat) Okay, maybe I’m out of line but this is kind of a curve ball for me. I mean, we are talking about Spike here.
BUFFY: It’s different. He’s different. He has a soul now.
ANGEL: Oh. Well.
BUFFY: What?
ANGEL: That’s great. (sotto) Everyone’s got a soul now.
BUFFY: He’ll make a difference.
ANGEL: You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing.
BUFFY: Oh, my god, are you twelve?
ANGEL: I’m getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn’t necessarily bring out the champion in me.
BUFFY: You’re not getting the brush-off. Are you just going to come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend?
ANGEL: Aha! Boyfriend.
BUFFY: He’s not. But… he is in my heart.
ANGEL: That’ll end well.
BUFFY: What was the highlight of our relationship— when you broke up with me or when I killed you? I’m well aware of my stellar history with guys and no, I don’t see fat grandchildren in the offing with Spike. But I don’t think that really matters right now. You know, in the midst of all this insanity, a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. And the guy thing… (sighs) I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn’t make it work. But maybe I’m not supposed to.
ANGEL: Because you’re the Slayer.
BUFFY: Because… okay. I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m going to turn out to be. I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing and maybe one day I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m— (covers) or enjoy warm, delicious cookie-me, then that’s fine. That’ll be then. When I’m done.
ANGEL: Any thoughts on who might enjoy… do I have to go with the cookie analogy?
BUFFY: I’m not really thinking that far ahead. That’s kinda the point.
(Angel nods, then hand her the medallion).
ANGEL : I’ll go start working on the second front. Make sure I don’t have to use it.
(He heads off through the graveyard. After a moment, Buffy calls after him.)
BUFFY: Angel.
(He half turns back to her.)
BUFFY: I do… sometimes think that far ahead.
ANGEL: Sometimes is something.
BUFFY : It’ll be a long time coming. Years, if ever.
ANGEL : (smiles) I ain’t getting any older…
(He fades into shadows and disappears into the night. )
Conversation #5 From season 7 Episode 22-CHOSEN
5 INT. SUMMERS HOME— BASEMENT— NIGHT 5 Spike takes out his frustration on the punching bag as Buffy walks down the stairs.
SPIKE : So… where’s tall, dark and forehead?
BUFFY : Let me guess. You can smell him.
SPIKE : Yeah, that and I also used my enhanced vampire eyeballs to watch you kissing him.
BUFFY: It was… a hello.
SPIKE : Most people don’t use their tongues to say hello. (beat) Or I guess they do but—
BUFFY: There were no tongues. Besides, he’s gone.
SPIKE: Oh, just popped by for a quickie, then?
BUFFY: Good, good! I haven’t had quite enough jealous vampire crap for one night.
SPIKE : He wears lifts, you know.
(Buffy leans up against the punching bag, then notices a cartoon picture of a vampire with spiky brown hair taped to it.)
BUFFY: You know, one of these days I’m just going to put you two in a room and let you wrastle it out.
SPIKE: No problem at this end.
(Buffy smiles to herself, imagining.)
BUFFY: There could be oil of some kind involved…
SPIKE: Where’s the trinket?
: BUFFY The who-ket?
SPIKE: The pretty necklace your sweetie-bear gave you. The one with all the power. I believe it’s mine now.
BUFFY :How do you figure?
SPIKE: Someone with a soul but more than human? Angel meant to wear it. That means I’m the qualified party. He holds out his hand for it.
BUFFY: It’s volatile. We don’t know—
SPIKE :You’ll be needing someone strong to bear it, then. You plan on giving it to Andrew?
BUFFY: Angel said the amulet was meant to be worn by a champion.
(Spike turns away with a sigh but Buffy steps forward and places the medallion in his hand.)
SPIKE: (smiles) Been called a lot of things in my time.
BUFFY: Faith still has my room…
SPIKE : Well, you’re not staying here! You can’t buy me off with shiny beads and sweet talk. You’ve got Angel-breath. I’m not going to just let you whack me back and forth like a rubber ball. I got my pride, you know.
BUFFY I understand.
(She turns to go but Spike runs around in front of her, blocking her way.)
SPIKE: Clearly you don’t, ’cause the whole “having my pride” thing was just a smokescreen.
BUFFY: (relieved) Oh, thank god.
SPIKE: I don’t know what I would have done if you’d gone up those stairs.
(Buffy smiles and caresses his cheek with her hand)
Conversation #6 From season 7 Episode 22-CHOSEN
8 INT. SUNNYDALE HIGH— BASEMENT— DAY 8 Faith and Wood drag large boxes and pieces of equipment across the floor and up against the sewer grates.
WOOD: It’s one hell of a risky idea.
FAITH: Buffy’s wacky that way.
WOOD: Yeah. There’s one more vent right by the stairs. We block that, they’ve got no sewer access. Should drive them straight up into the school proper.
FAITH: That’s assuming they get past us.
WOOD : Which— no offense— I am.
FAITH: Come on. You gotta have a little faith.
WOOD: I think I’ve had my share, thanks.
FAITH: Well, I trundled right into that one, didn’t I? Look, I’m sorry if it seemed like I was blowing you off the other day. I was just trying to, you know, blow you off.
WOOD: Yeah, you know what? I figured that one out all by myself.
FAITH: It’s nothing personal. It’s just… after I get bouncy with a guy, there’s not that much more I need to know about him.
WOOD: That’s bleak.
FAITH: Way of the world.
WOOD: That’s good to know ’cause for a second there, I thought it was more defensive, isolationist Slayer crap.
FAITH: (laughs) And he comes out swingin’.
WOOD : Faith, there’s a whole world out there that you don’t even know about and a lot of the men in it are pretty decent guys. They’d surprise you.
FAITH: A guy looks at me, let’s just say his priorities shift.
WOOD: Why? Because you’re so hot?
FAITH: It is what it is, yo.
WOOD: Oh, please. I am so much prettier than you are. And for the record, our little encounter didn’t exactly change my world.
FAITH: You’re trippin’! That was rock ’em, sock ’em.
WOOD: No, no, it was nice enough and you’re very… enthused. And I think with a little more experience—
FAITH: Dude, I got madd skillz!
WOOD: (patronizing) Yeah, of course. Let’s finish up.
(He goes to pick up a crate but Faith is having none of it. She takes off her belt and starts to unbutton her pants.)
FAITH: No, hell with that! We’re going again, baby. You’re gonna learn a little respect here, pal.
WOOD: (chuckles) Faith, make me a deal, all right? We live through this, you give me the chance to surprise you.
FAITH: (wary) What would be the surprise?
WOOD: You do know the meaning of the word, right?
FAITH: Fine. Deal.
WOOD: Good enough.
(She takes one side of a filing cabinet and Wood takes the other and they drag it across the floor.)
FAITH: No way you’re prettier than me.
WOOD: A little bit, yeah.
Taken from the Chosen Transcripts. .