27
Dr. Calvert’s office was practically deserted. The only people there were Jack and Rose and another young couple, who seemed to be in greater need of the Doctor’s services. The young man kept rocking back and forth and mumbling to himself.
"The war?" Rose asked the young woman, who looked around about her age. She had sympathy for the couple. The war seemed to have traumatized a lot of young men. She was indeed thankful that Jack wasn’t as bad off as the young man.
The girl only nodded, tears in her eyes. "Joseph used to be so smart and full of life," the girl sadly smiled. "Now he’s…he’s…"
"Ruined," Jack spoke, his eyes filled with a sadness that broke Rose’s heart. It was so deep and so hopeless. "The war’s ruined him…just like it’s ruined us all…"
"Jack," Rose squeezed his hand, wishing that she could replace the sadness with the bright happiness that used to be his trademark. But she couldn’t. It was too great…to complex. Hopefully, seeing this doctor will help.
"Mr. and Mrs. Dawson," the nurse stood in the entrance of the doctor’s office. "Dr. Calvert will see you now."
Taking Rose’s hand tightly in his own, Jack followed the nurse, pushing back his fear. He knew what was ahead and wasn’t too happy about it. He didn’t want to relive the war…the captivity. Even thinking about it sent him whirling back in time. Back to the screams and bullets. Back to the pain he had to endure. Looking at Rose, he was again grateful to have her by his side through this. She really was his lifeline.
"It’s going to be ok Jack," Rose reassured him, sensing his apprehension. "I’m going to be right here."
"I love you," He squeezed her hand as they entered the office.
Dr. Calvert sat behind his desk, his brown eyes warm and friendly. Rose rubbed Jack’s arm as they stepped into the office. "Jack and Rose I presume."
"Dr. Calvert," Rose nodded. "You were recommended by Dr. Connelly."
"Oh yes. He’s called. Told me of young Jack’s case. Please set down so we can get started."
"Yes sir," they sat on the couch in front of the desk. Jack held on to Rose’s hand tightly, hoping that just the touch of her hand would keep him grounded in the present.
"So Jack. Dr. Connelly tells me that you didn’t only fight in the war…you were a prisoner as well," Dr. Calvert eyed the lovely Mrs. Dawson. She sure was pretty and maybe in another life she would have been with him instead. But this wasn’t another life and she was with the troubled young man before him. Just by the look in her eyes when she looked at her husband, he could tell that they were deeply in love.
"Yes sir," Jack nodded, tightening his hold on Rose’s hand. He closed his eyes against the raising memories.
"Tell me about it Jack. Tell me about the war," Dr. Calvert sat back.
Jack’s eyes popped open. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t go back to the place of his nightmares. He’d die if he did. Quickly, he got up from his seat, his eyes shining with fear. "I-I can’t go back there."
"Jack, it’s ok. You’re safe now. No one can hurt you anymore. We’re right here. Just hold my hand Jack. We’ll go there together. Just hold on to my hand," Rose tightened her hold on him, hoping that he’d listen. He needed to do this in order to get better. It was too important for him not to do.
Sighing, Jack looked at Rose and then at the doctor. Could he really do this? For Rose? For his own sanity? Looking into her eyes, he decided that the answer was yes. With Rose by his side, he could do anything. Taking a deep breath and squeezing Rose’s hand, Jack sat back down and kept his eyes on the doctor’s name plate.
"None of us knew what we were getting into. Some of the younger guys…they all thought we were going on some grand adventure. That we’d be away from home for only a few months. But I knew better. Experience had taught me that nothing was ever certain or easy. Most likely, we’d never see our loved one again.
"All too soon, the fighting started. Blood and screams were everywhere. A boy, not much older then I was when I met Rose…he was one of the first to die in my arms," Jack looked at Rose, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears. "He had a girl. Her name was Josephine Rose Smith. They were to be married when he returned. He told me to tell her that he was sorry. That he loved her. And then the light in his eyes…it was gone Rose. Gone."
"Oh Jack," Rose gasped. How horrible that must have been for him.
"Shortly after that…I killed someone, Rose. It was a man. Not much older then myself. We were in the middle of a battle and all I could think about was surviving and making it home to you. All I saw of the guy was the gun. So I fired…not even thinking twice about it. No, I didn’t think twice about shooting him until I got up and looked into his face. He could have been a distant cousin. Blond hair…dead blue eyes. My first and only real kill."
"Jack..tell me about your captivity. Tell us what happened to you while you were in enemy hands," Dr. Calvert said, writing something down on his notepad.
"They only gave me what I deserved. I killed someone. In cold blood!" Guilt ripped through Jack, stabbing at him like a thousand knives. "They gave me the treatment I deserved."
"No Jack…you didn’t deserve any of that…" Rose protested, remembering the scars all over Jack’s body. It was obvious that he was tortured and it broke her heart to hear Jack say that he deserved it.
"I killed someone Rose! Someone not much older then myself!"
"No Jack…it was self defense. He would have killed you if you hadn’t killed him first! And he wouldn’t have the guilt that you have Jack! He would have killed you without question!"
"I don’t know that Rose. Besides, it doesn’t take away the fact that I killed someone. I took him away from a wife and child," tears seeped from Jack’s eyes. He began to sob uncontrollably. "I killed him Rose! I killed him!" Jack cried, leaning into Rose’s warm embrace as he cried for the boy, he cried for the man he had killed, and he cried for himself. What was he going to do now that he was home from the war? How was his punishment going to continue? Will Rose leave him now? Taking their beautiful daughter with her? Will his victim keep haunting him in his dreams at night?
"So we’re finally getting to the bottom of this. Jack, you feel guilty for defending yourself. For killing that soldier before he could kill you," Dr. Calvert looked at Rose, wishing that he had a wife as devoted to him as she seemed to be to Jack.
"The doctor’s right Jack. That soldier wouldn’t have thought twice about killing you and taking you away from me. You were only protecting us. That’s all," Rose gently stroked his sand hair. "Baby, you have to stop blaming yourself like this. You only did what you had to do to keep your promise. To come back home to me and Josephine."
Rose held him tightly as his body shook with sobs, her heartbreaking for him. He was inconsolable. She looked up at the doctor as if to ask if Jack’s overflowing tears was normal. The doctor only smiled, pleased with the progress Jack had made so far. It usually took a good month or two before a patient cried.
"He’s going to be just fine Mrs. Dawson. This is an emotional break through. Usually it takes my patients longer then this to let their emotions out."
"I’m sorry Rose! I’m so sorry," Jack cried, clinging tightly to Rose.
"Shhh," She kissed his hair. "It’s alright now. Everything is going to be ok."
And it was. She could feel it in her entire being. Jack was getting the help he needed and soon everything will be the way it should be.
~*~
Oh oh oh
All we are is dust
Oh oh oh
All we are is dust in the wind
Five hours later, Jack and Rose laid in each other’s arms, exhausted from the emotional session that day. They had returned two hours later, ready to collapse.
Rose had gone about taking care of Josephine while Jack slept the first peaceful sleep he had since his return home. The nightmares seemed to be gone now.
After Josephine was settled, Jack and Rose laid in each other’s arms, deep in love and relief.
I close my eyes
Only for a moment then the
moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes a curiosity
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
"I get it now," Jack sighed suddenly, taking Rose off guard. "I truly understand."
"Understand what Jack?" Rose asked, gazing into his eyes, getting lost in his blue depths.
"How quickly life can be over. I mean, I thought I had understood it after Titanic, and I did…but not fully. Not until the war. Not until I had to take a life myself. We are so fragile Rose. Everything can end in just one breath. We are all nothing but dust in the wind. Here to live and love for a short time and then it’s over. It gives make it count a whole new meaning for me."
It's the same old song
We're just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Just crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see, yeah
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
(Life's too short brothers and sisters)
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
"Jack," She took his hand in hers, wanting him to know that one thing about their lives was forever. Their love. "Our love is forever. Even when we’re gone, it’ll carry on in our children…grandchildren. It’ll never die."
Don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever, but the earth and sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy
Jack smiled, never having thought of that. Sometimes Rose was even more insightful then he was. He loved her more then anything and if he had to, he’d die for her. "I love you Rose. Now and Forever."
Laughing, Rose pulled him close, his love covering her in a warm blanket. "I love you forever too Jack. I always will."
Laying her head on his chest, she drifted off to sleep. Safe and secure and loved in his arms.
Two months later…
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
(Life's too short brothers and sisters)
Dust in the wind
All we are is dust in the wind
Rose made the finishing touches to the romantic dinner that she had set up for Jack. She sighed, thinking of the news she had to share with her husband…news that she wasn’t sure he’d be happy about. So far, things were going well for the Dawsons. Jack was back at the factory working full time and Rose went back to her acting. But if this news could change everything.
"Rose! I’m home!" Jack announced. His eyes widened with surprise at the sight that met him. Rose was in her good dress, standing in front of a table made for two. "Hey…is this an anniversary or something?"
Rose smiled. It’s been two months since Jack’s depression and now he was back to normal…almost. He still had nightmares sometimes, and new he wasn’t as carefree as he used to be. But the flashbacks were gone and that was all that mattered.
"No, it’s not an anniversary. I just wanted to do something nice for you. I made your favorite."
"You didn’t have to do that," Jack kissed her. "Wow. This is great. But I still have a question. What’s going on?" Jack sat down, ready to dig into the spaghetti and meat sauce.
Rose nervously swallowed. Now was the time to tell him. Happy or mad, now was the moment of truth. "I’m pregnant!"
Jack’s fork stopped in mid-air as his widened with surprise. Did he hear right? Did Rose just say what he thought she said? "Can you repeat that please?"
Rose looked down at the table, afraid to meet his eyes. Was he angry with her? Or was he happy as she was. "I’m pregnant Jack," She looked up to meet his eyes, inwardly hoping for the best. "Two months along."
Jack’s mind went blank. He didn’t know what to say. How had this happen? The only time they weren’t careful was all the times he had seduced her to keep from answering her questions. All the times two months when he took advantage of her attraction to him.
"Oh Rose," Jack gasped, trying to get a grasp of her emotions. Was she happy about this? Did she blame him for saddling her down with another baby? "I…I don’t know what to say…"
"Say something," unshed tears was in her eyes, her voice barely a whisper. He wasn’t happy. He was going to leave her, probably go in search of Maria. Maria who was young, pretty, and not pregnant.
"…Is this what you want? Are you happy with this Rose?"
She wiped away a tear, trying not to show how vulnerable she felt right then. She wanted to be strong and confident. She didn’t want Jack to stay out of pity. But she didn’t want him to stay out of pity either. She wanted him to stay because he loved her and their children. "Yes. Yes I am Jack. Forgive me if that sounds horrible, but I love the idea of carrying another one of your babies. In a way, it’s like you’re with me…even when you’re not. I know that sounds stupid…"
"No. No, that doesn’t sound stupid at all. I understand. I love it too Rose. Babies mean forever and the fact that you’re having another baby with me…that means we’re forever."
Rose smiled, tears of joy flowing. "I’ll love you forever Jack. That’s a promise."
"I love you forever too Rose. I promise, never to leave your side again."
"Jack," She got up and buried herself in his arms. "Jack, Jack, Jack."
"Rose," Jack sighed happily, holding his wife close. "I want to raise our children near the ocean and in the sun. Not here in this little town."
Rose frowned. What did Jack mean? She liked this little town. "Jack…what are you talking about?"
"Santa Monica Rose! Let’s move there. Let’s start a whole new life."
Rose looked at Jack skeptically. She didn’t want to leave Chippewa Falls. She loved it here. This was where she had found Jack, where she had Josephine. "We have so many memories here," Rose sighed.
"We’ll make new ones," Jack happily smiled. "Besides, I have a promise to fullfill. Teach a certain red-head how to ride like a man…."
Rose laughed at the memory, surprised that she had forgotten about the conversation that drew her to Jack all those years ago. "Oh yes. I’m supposed to learn how to ride like a real cowboy."
"And you will. I know you will."
"You won’t let up until I
agree will you?"
Jack just smiled and shook his head. "So…are we
moving?"
Rose laughed, her green eyes sparkling with love and happiness. "We’re moving."
That night Jack and Rose laid in bead, totally at peace. The future held heartache and happiness. Arguments and kisses. But through it all, Jack and Rose went through it together.
Even long after they, themselves became dust in the wind, their love still ran strong through their descendants. A love that was born from tragedy. That lasted through desperation and despair. A love that will last forever.
Open your eyes, you've aquired quite
a bit
Keep your balance, don't you slip
It could all end instantly, as you will see
Time waits for no one, it just moves on
There is a white one
Who can't accept the black one
Who won't accept the yellow one
Who can't accept the white
When will we learn
All we are is dust in the wind
Time for the healing to begin
All we are is dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Everything is dust in the wind
Dust In The Wind –Eric Benet
THE END