22
The nightmares began a week after moving into Jack’s old house. Rose was walking around the dark house, touching everything there was to touch, her mind on not only Jack’s parents, but her father as well. She wondered if they were happy where they were? Did they approve of the choices Jack and herself had made? Sighing, she heads back down towards the cellar. Opening the door that leads down to the lower level, she notices the cold mist and it rose up to envelope her in it’s cold blanket, pulling her deeper and deeper. Soon she was as cold as she was in those icey waters of the North Alantic. She moves forward and as she looks around she sees people, all reaching out for her, icecicles hung from their arms and fingers as they moaned and reached out for her.
She bit back her scream, going deeper, wondering why she was there, among the dead from Titanic.
"Rose?" She sighed in relief to hear Jack’s voice from behind her. He meant safety. She didn’t know how she knew that, but she did. Besides, this was the first time he was in this particular dream. She turned around and screamed, as she saw that her beloved Jack was now one of the dead as well.
Rose sat up out of her dream, a scream dying on her lips. She closed her eyes tightly, pushing the dream back into the recesses of her mind and turned to stare at her still sleeping husband, hoping she hadn’t woke him up. Frowning, she hesitantly touched his face, and chest to make sure the warm breath and the rise and fall of his chest was still there. It was.
She quietly slipped out of bed, knowing that getting back to sleep was impossible. She went downstairs and into the kitchen. She had decided to make some hot tea to help her relax. She was just filling up the tea kettle when she felt someone behind her. She turned to see George.
"George you scared me there," Rose laughed, her laugh sounding false to her ears. The nightmare was still with her. It was getting worse.
"I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. What’s wrong? Why aren’t you in bed with Jack?"
"Nightmare."
"Again?" George frowned. He was the only one that knew of Rose’s nightmares. She didn’t tell Jack because she didn’t want to worry him. He already had enough with dealing with memories of his parents and the fire…he didn’t need her bad dreams on top of that. The only reason George knew was because he had found her tossing and turning when she had taken an afternoon nap.
Rose nodded. "It’s getting worse George. Now…Now Jack’s one of them. When I woke up, I touched his face and chest to make sure he was still warm and breathing." Rose sniffed back a rising tear. "It was so real."
"But it wasn’t real. Jack’s alive and well upstairs fast asleep. He’s safe and so are you, nothing can hurt you here Rose. You do believe that don’t you?" George pulled the sobbing woman into a comforting hug, frowning. She was really shaken by the dream and so…frightened. "Rose…come, let’s set and talk about this," George pulled her over to the table and motioned for her to set down. "Tell me why this dream bothers you so much."
"…I’m frightened George. I’m so scared that I’ll lose him again. That some how he’s living on borrowed time and soon whatever is in charge of such things will come and collect. I know it sounds foolish…but…I can’t help it."
"Have you talked to Jack about this?"
Rose shook her head. "I don’t want him worrying about me. He already has enough on his plate, with moving in here and memories of his parents and all…I don’t want him to have to worry that his wife is going crazy."
"Come on Rose. Jack would never think such a thing of you. He’d want to know if you were unhappy."
"No. No I can not tell Jack. Not now, not ever. Besides, they’re only silly dreams. I won’t worry Jack over something so trivial."
"What’s so trivial?" Jack appeared in the doorway, his eyes clouded from just waking up from a deep sleep.
"Jack what are you doing up?" Rose asked, surprised. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully for the first time since they’ve moved in.
"I reached for my wife to find she was no longer beside me. Why are you two in the kitchen talking about something being trivial?"
George opened his mouth to tell Jack about Rose’s dream when Rose spoke up first. "Oh I was talking about Caviar. How I sometimes miss it and George wanted me to tell you, but I refuse."
Jack frowned. "I thought you didn’t like caviar."
"I don’t. Now do you see why it’s silly?" Rose forced a giggle, hoping that Jack brought it. She got up and wrapped her arms around his warm body, relishing in his warmth and solidarity. In a way she was reassuring herself that he was really there. That he wasn’t on the bottom of the North Alantic.
Jack sighed. Something else was going on here and he couldn’t for the life of him think of what. Why was Rose lying to him? Why did she feel that she could tell George, but not him? He knew he had nothing to be jealous of, but that didn’t stop the feeling from rising up in his mind. "Well…I guess I’ll just have to save up my pennies and get you some huh?" Jack pushed the jealousy back into the recesses of his mind. He wanted to force her to tell him what was going on, but he knew that wasn’t the way to go. That was Cal’s way. But not his. If it was truly important, Rose would tell him in her own time .
"I’ll go on back to bed. You two have to talk," George stared intently at Rose before disappearing out of the kitchen.
"What was that about?" Jack asked. "Rose…what’s really going on? You can tell me."
Rose sighed. She couldn’t think of a way to put this off any longer. Jack wanted the truth, so it was the truth he was going to get. "It was just a nightmare Jack. Nothing to worry about."
"Is that the reason you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night crying?"
Rose was surprised, she hadn’t know he noticed. She stared back at her hands, not really wanting to answer. It would only worry him.
"It is isn’t it?" Jack lifted her face to look at him.
Rose sighed in defeat and nodded. "It keeps coming back."
"What is it about Rose?" Jack led her back to the table where they set down.
"It’s not important Jack. They’re just dreams. You have so much to worry about already I don’t…"
"Why don’t you talk to me anymore? Huh? You seem to be able to talk with my cousin more than you talk to me and we used to tell each other everything?" Jack glared down at the table. "At least tell me why you have the need to keep things from me."
"Jack…it’s not like that at all."
"Isn’t it? Rose, for the past week or so, something’s been bothering you and you’ve become distant. I think I have more of a right to know what’s going on with my wife than my cousin does."
Looking into his eyes, Rose could tell he was hurt by the distance she had placed between them. But couldn’t he see she was doing it for his own good. For once she should be taking care of him. Not the other way around and if he knew about her nightmares, he would make taking care of her the priority, putting off dealing with his feelings of guilt towards his parents. "Jack…please. Let’s not concentrate on me for once. Let’s concentrate on…"
"Fine Rose. If you don’t want to tell me fine. I can’t say I completely understand, but that’s besides the point. I don’t know about you, but I’m going upstairs," Jack got to his feet. "And get some sleep. Good night." He left her alone staring after him in shock.
"Jack?" She hadn’t meant for this to happen. For him to become angry at her, but it had happened and now she felt more alone then ever.
All that day Jack and Rose avoided one another, or rather, Jack avoided Rose. At dinner he sat at the opposite end of the table. If she was in a room he would walk out. George tried to comfort her, to no avail. This was a mess she had made and no one but her could clean it up. That night, as everyone turned in for bed, Rose worried if her relationship with Jack was finished? Was she going to lose him? She couldn’t let that happen. They had survived too much for her to lose him now.
He came out of the restroom that was connected off the room. He took one look at Rose and looked away. The pain in his eyes was obvious. He didn’t like being mad at Rose, but her secrecy and lack of trust had made all this happen. He didn’t know how they would repair their marriage. How did his parents get through days like this? They must have argued millions of times, but how did they manage to stay together? They were so in love…the perfect husband and wife, mother and father and it was much too soon for them to die the way they had.
Jack choked back a sob at the thought of his parents. He wasn’t going to cry. Not here and definitely not now in front of Rose. He didn’t need her comfort. He just needed to be alone.
"Jack?" She got to her feet, her eyes hopeful that he would speak to her. But when he did, his voice was void of emotion, even though his eyes spoke differently.
"I’ll just grab a pillow and blanket and I’ll be out of your way," Jack started to move past her, but Rose blocked his way. "No Jack. Not until we talk. We can’t go to bed angry. We have to fix this."
"Fix this? Rose how can I fix the fact that you don’t trust me huh?"
"Jack…I trust you."
"Not as much as you trust my cousin obviously. I used to be the one you talked to about your dreams and fears Rose. What happened to that? What did I do to make you lose confidence in me?" The hurt was there in his voice and eyes, breaking Rose’s heart. He thought she had lost trust in him. This was indeed her mess to fix. She could do only one thing, the thing she was trying to protect him from. She had to tell him the truth.
"Oh Jack…nothing happened to that. I-I was just trying to protect you I guess. You already have your parent’s deaths weighing on your mind. I just assumed that you didn’t need my problems heaped on top of that, so I tried to make things easier on you by keeping the nightmares to myself. The only reason George knows is because he walked in one afternoon when I was napping. I was tossing and turning and he had woke me up and made me tell him.
"It has nothing to do with my trust in you. I just wanted to make things easier for you."
"I see. Well you weren’t. You were only driving a wedge between us."
"I see that now. I’m sorry Jack," Rose began to cry. She was so afraid of losing him, and she couldn’t. She loved him so much, needed him as much as she needed to breathe for air or eat for nourishment. She had to make him see that.
"So…what was this dream about? What was so horrible about it that you wanted to keep it from me?" Jack asked.
"…It was about…Titanic. I dreamed that I was on the ship again, but all the people…they were like zombies covered in ice Jack. And then last night…last night’s was different. You were one of them Jack! I dreamed that you were lost on that blasted ship!" Rose broke into renewed tears.
Jack’s heart ached with each sob, realizing the pain Rose had been carrying around for the past week, mostly by herself because she didn’t want to add to his own pain. "Oh Rose…it wasn’t real. I’m right here," He pulled her tightly against his chest, wanting to surround her with his warmth and love as she dampened his shirt with her tears. He stroked her hair and pulled her even closer.
"But it felt real. Oh Jack I don’t want to lose you! Not ever!"
"And you won’t lose me. I promise Rose, I’m always going to be with you. No matter what. And that dream, that’s all it was. A dream. We’re both right here in Chippewa Falls, safe and warm."
"I’m sorry Jack. I’m sorry for keeping this from you. I just wanted to lighten your load some. That’s all. I didn’t mean to drive a wedge between us," Rose wiped away her tears as she pulled back a little to stare into his eyes.
"That’s what secrets do Rose. They drive a wedge between people. Make them distrustful. Listen, we have to make a deal. No more secrets. They destroy. That’s all they do. If something’s bothering us, we tell each other about it. That way, the air remains clear and our trust in each other intact. Ok?"
Rose smiled and nodded, relieved that they were no longer fighting. She had missed him all those hours they had avoided each other. "I promise Jack. I’ll never keep anything from you again. For now on, I’m an open book."
"Ok," Jack smiled, kissing her lips tenderly. "I promise the same. Now, let’s get to bed. It’s awfully late," Jack kissed her forehead.
"Jack…can you hold me extra tight tonight…to remind me that you’re here just in case the nightmare comes back?" Rose blushed.
"Sure sweetie. Come on," Jack led her to the bed. Her sleep may not have been peaceful that night, but her heart was, knowing that Jack would be there for her when she woke up.